Fellowship vs. Church

I went to church this past Sunday, in honor of the assassination and martyrdom of Charlie Kirk. I don’t go to church very often. Jesus has been my Lord and savior sense the age of 17, I am now 71. Some might consider that feat a bit of a miracle, but in fact it is the result of countless miracles. I came to know Jesus as the Son of God during the Jesus movement in the early 70’s near Spokane, Washington. Then we were referred to as Jesus Freaks. That, primarily due to the fact that we would stand on street corners and tell passers-by that, “Jesus Loves You” and try to engage people into a conversation about Jesus, who He is and how they could have a relationship with Him as their Lord and Savior. We would pass out a news tabloid call “The Truth”, it was all about Jesus. We believed that churches were more like spiritual morgues, filled with lifeless tradition and a spiritual rendition of the living dead. We were determined to introduce to everyone that Jesus was alive and full of promise, love, joy, and eternal life. The movement was a simple faith in Christ, and that where there were three or more gathered together in the name of Jesus, that constituted the church. Church was revered to as fellowship. We sang songs about our faith and love for Jesus. It almost always involved bible studies amid questions and conversations about current issues and were frequented by personal confessions of sins followed with laying on of hands and prayer.

Like all movements it was eventually swallowed up by the complications of everyday life, disillusionment in self-proclaimed leaders and divisions.

I grew up, and at times apart from my faith. The challenges of marriage, family, work, etc. took its toll on my relationship with Jesus. That being true, Jesus was always there and as often as I stumbled Jesus would pick me up and remind me who I was and where and how to walk with Him. I would try finding fellowship with many different churches. For a time, I dedicated myself to reading the entire bible and studying both the Hebrew and Greek translations to better understand the Word of God, this went on for a number of years. In all of my walk with Christ I can honestly say that I have been punished, chastised, and tremendously blessed by my Lord and Savior. The bad was of my own doing, the blessings were from Him, and that is when the countless miracles often came into my life, of which I am a humble and grateful recipient of.

Between 17 and 71 I have lived many lives, (figure of speech), been to many churches and yet experienced little fellowship. I think church may be a place for anonymously worshiping God, but not much for personal fellowship with one another in Christ.

My wife has gone to a certain church off and on for over a year, I have only gone with her two or three times.

“You shall know them by their fruit”

I have watched an listened. I have mentioned the fellowship aspect to my wife on occasion. She tells me that they have “groups” for that. I have mostly been interested in one particular group setting, the one that involves our 13 year old, high functioning autistic son, Noah. Large churches today come prepared with age categorized groups. This is so that the adults have a place to dump their children off into the care of a church group leader, (another word for “babysitter”) so that the adults can gather together to worship God without child interruptions. I’m sure you know what I mean. Noah has gone to church every time my wife has gone. He does not like it. In all the time he has gone he has not made any friends. I do not know that anyone from his group has personally reached out to him, I don’t know either way. I do think that Noah would say so if someone approached him to be a friend, he is big on friendship. This is why he does not like to go, he doesn’t feel love or friendship, and I get that, I get that. It’s easy to blame me for not reaching out to strangers in a strange place to make friends, I’m an adult, capable of forcing myself into awkward introductions, but Noah isn’t, he’s autistic. He loves people, but if they don’t love him back, he knows that and will not want to be where he does not feel personal contact, warmth and…friendship. That’s church, not fellowship. For now, I will think about it and I will occasionally go, and Noah will go because he has to.

PS Going to church is not a bad thing.

Published in: Uncategorized on September 16, 2025 at 10:05 PM  Leave a Comment  
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It’s a Thing!

I pick Noah up from school every day at 2:45 pm, except on Friday, then it’s 1:30 pm. I customarily ask him how his day was. Today I asked him, and he said, “OK, except for one thing”. “Oh, what’s that?”, I asked. He paused for a few seconds and then said that he didn’t want to talk about it. I let it go then because that is not an abnormal response for him, also, somethings he will talk about more comfortably with mom than me, and I knew that she would be asking the same question when she got home from work.

About an hour later she called from work. First question out of her mouth was, “How was Noah’s day?” So I told her what he said. She replied with, “I wonder if it has anything to do with yesterdays issue.” “What was yesterdays issue?” I asked. “He got pantsed.”  “What?!!” I was floored. (I’m thinking, why wasn’t I told, I’m only the father.) So, mom tells me what happened. In the end Noah didn’t want her to say anything to the school because the boys involved were, “My friends”, and he didn’t want them to get into trouble, and besides, Noah said, “They were just fooling around and having fun.”

So sad, Noah is so desperate for friends that he would think that these guys were just being “friendly”.

When Holli got home she went to Noah and ask him how his day was. A short conversation revealed that he had been pantsed again. It was time to take action. Holli contacted the school through his teacher and the principal, informing them what had happened and demanding answers and resolution. She was told that they would look into it and informed her that “pantsing had become a thing on campus”.

Meanwhile Holli tried to explain to Noah that these guys were not his friends, and that pantsing is not a sign of friendliness.

Written April 2025

Published in: Uncategorized on September 14, 2025 at 5:31 PM  Leave a Comment  
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Coming of Age

Noah turned thirteen last Saturday, May the seventeenth. He woke me up at around 6 am, calling out my name, “Dad”. I got up and went to his room, just down the hallway. I poked my head in his open door, “Yes Noah, what do you need?” “I’m a teen-ager.” he said, still half asleep, yet as jubilant as he could muster. So excited, this was a day he had waited for a long time. I had no idea just how important this day was to him. Noah thinks about many things, but he doesn’t share those thoughts readily. Every now and then something comes out of his mouth and it just kind of throws me back at how obviously he had been giving it a lot of thought. Turning thirteen was one of those things. Next thing he said was, “Can I open my presents now?” I had to tell him that he had to wait for mom to get up first, and that wouldn’t be for a while.

It was a big day for Noah, a big, outdoor party with lots of friends, a game truck, Nerf Gun battles, food and drinks, and all the presents that he had hoped for. God was kind as well, the forecast was for rain all day, but it hardly rained through out the day. Afterwards mom took him to a gathering at the Taekwondo headquarters for more games with friends, a play date event pre-scheduled for that day. When she got into the car to take him to the Taekwondo event Noah went straight to the passenger side of the front seat of the car. He was thirteen now and could legally ride in the front seat. Noah had obviously given it a lot of thought and was determined to exerciser that right. Not even the law could stop him from being a teenager. It was weird because he never seemed to talk much about it, but there was no hesitancy in the way he went directly to the front seat.

It is so strange to have him up front, but so cool at the same time. Welcome to the coming-of-age Noah. You’re growing up so very fast.

We love you.

Written May 17, 2025

Published in: Uncategorized on August 23, 2025 at 10:45 AM  Leave a Comment  
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My Drummer Boy

I watched Noah as he slowly walked towards the school building, heading for his first class of the day, Band. Band is one of his favorite classes, he gets to beat on a drum. My little drummer boy.

It was sad to watch his slow walk. Overall, Noah does not like school, the reason is simple, Noah does not think that school likes him. He walks like a prisoner resigned to the gallows. My heart wrenches for him. He looks so alone. I don’t want him to feel the way he looks. At the same time, I am terribly proud of him. It was his decision to attend public school, versus home schooling. He goes despite the obvious dread.

In all the times I have dropped him off at school his step has never changed. He is never excited to be there. The reminds me of this every day when I wake him to get ready to go. “I don’t want to go to school,” He says, and I say, “I know.” Yet, every day he gets up, gets ready, and makes that sad, heart-breaking walk to the school building. Once upon a time he used to turn and look back to see if I was still there, he no longer does. Now he walks as one all alone, knowing that he is alone, and somewhat fearful of what the day will have in store for him. My heart is with him in all his fear and loneliness. I can’t wait to come back and pick him up.

“How was your day, Noah?”

Published in: Uncategorized on July 26, 2025 at 8:22 PM  Leave a Comment  
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Good Friday

What does Good Friday mean to you? To many it marks the day Jesus was crucified, followed by three days and then his resurrection, Easter Sunday. Odd, a day that represents the crucifixion, the suffering, and the death of Jesus, the son of God, is called “Good”. The goodness obviously comes from his resurrection three days later, but really, I think that the day could be called many other things besides “good”.

For Jews this day marks the Passover, the day of freedom from Egypt. In short, Good Friday is a holy day for many millions around the world.

Good Friday is sometimes referred to as Black Friday, a name I could more relate to when at the age of nine years old.

Good Friday, March 27, 1964 started out as a great day, after all, it was the last day of the school week. There were several other  reasons to feel good about this day, it was sunny, but cold, after all, Anchorage, Alaska is still cold in March, with plenty of snow still on the ground. Easter Sunday was three days away. Life was good on Good Friday, and then it wasn’t. At 5:36 P.M. I was just arriving at the back door of our home, after visiting with friends in our neighborhood. I was just reaching for the door when the ground began to shake, it was like huge waves of shaking. I tried to stay on my feet but soon realized that I couldn’t, so I just sat down on the ground right where I was standing. The shaking seemed to go on for ever ( I would later learn that it went on for over four minutes.) I had never experienced an earthquake before, and didn’t realize at that moment that that is what was happening. While sitting on the ground I began to wonder what was causing the ground to shake so terribly. My mind raced for some explanation. My brother and I slept in the basement, near a large furnace, we often imagined our fate should it ever blow up. Is that what had happened, did the furnace blow up? Mom and Dad were at work, but my brother and two sisters were in the house. I became frantic in my imagination, were they alright? The ground had not stop shaking when I jumped up and through open the door. I was nearly knocked over by our three dogs bursting out the door, Lady, Beauty, and Vicky, two Siberian huskies and a Doberman Pincher. they had been shut inside the mud room. The mud room was located at the top of the stares that led down to the basement, while another door led into the house. I couldn’t see anything looking down into the basement but darkness. After the stampeding dogs got past me, and with the shaking nearly stopped, I reached the door leading into the house proper. I through open that door and yelled, “Is everyone OK?” No answer came back to me, just silence, and a scene that I would never forget. Behind that first door was the kitchen, what was left of it. There was broken glass everywhere. Everything that was in a cupboard was now on the floor. I continued through the kitchen and into the living room, still hollering for my siblings. Like the kitchen the living room was a shambles, even the T.V. , with an open, built in stereo had fallen onto it’s face, nothing was upright. All that could be seen in a flash, but still no answer from my brother and sisters. The front door to the house was located on the far end of the living room. The door was flung wide open. I made my way through the ruble and out the door where I found my sisters and brother standing in the snow. Out of fear they had fled the house so rapidly that they didn’t have time to put on shoes, and were now huddled together, crying hysterically, not knowing what was happening or what to do, too afraid to return into the house. Thankfully, no one was hurt.

It is strange what children think when faced with a disaster that they don’t understand and can’t begin to . To us all we could see was our home. We had no idea that we had just experienced the largest  earthquake recorded in history, nor the extent of the damage caused through out the state and beyond. To us it was just our home. Moments after I joined my siblings a neighbor came running across the street. Out of breath, the man ask if we were alright, we assured him that we were, but now we had a much larger concern. In unison we told him that we were going to be in so much trouble from mom and dad when they get home and see what a mess the house is. We did not believe him when he said that they would understand and not be upset. As we turned to go back into the house, the sky had clouded up and a lite snow began to fall.

That was the beginning of Good Friday, 1964, and there would be no Easter Sunday for us or for anyone in the State of Alaska this year.

The Aftershock

It is important to note the sheer power of this earthquake. It was measured at 9.2-9.3 megathrust, equivalent to “400 times the total [energy] of all nuclear bombs ever exploded” until that time. It raised the land over 30 feet in some places. In addition it was followed by over 560 aftershocks and a tsunami wave run-up that was as high as 170 feet. The primary quake lasted for an astonishing four minutes and 38 seconds.

Meanwhile

While I and my siblings were experiencing the quake so were our parents. Mom worked in some capacity for the State of Alaska. She was a secretary, that was all that I knew about her job. Dad owned his own car shop, where he repaired cars and also built cars that he and mom raced on the Alaskan circuit. Mom had gotten off work at 5 p.m., and had stopped at the shop to visit Dad on the way home. The shop was only a few blocks from where we lived. At the time of the quake Dad had a car on a hoist about seven feet in the air while working underneath it. Mom was standing under the car talking to him when the car started rocking back and forth. Mom attempted to get out from underneath the car but was knocked in the head by the swaying car, knocking her to the ground back under the car. She got up only to meet the same fate. On the third attempt she was able to escape the swaying car with Dad and they got out of the garage. Strangely the car never fell off the hoist.

My memory is completely lost as to mom and dad’s arrival home, despite that lack of recollection I am certain that we were not in trouble over the state of the house, which must have been a great relief. I would have remembered if it were otherwise.

Other than the house being a complete mess, it was relatively undamaged, shaken but not broken. Many homes were uninhabitable, but somehow most of our neighborhood was unscathed. Still there was no water or electricity, so we were packed up and hauled to some friends of mom and dad’s, where we all stayed for a few days. To us kids it was now just one big adventure, a long sleep-over. They had children our age, so life was great. During the day we, (kids) would all walk around the neighborhood and look at all the damaged homes. We had no sense of how devastating the situation was because we were relatively untouched by the gravity of the disaster. Many lives were lost and the city was all but destroyed, with some downtown buildings completely swallowed by the shifting, and raising and falling of the ground, words and pictures can’t really describe how bad the destruction was.

What You Don’t Know

At nine years old I understood, kind of, what I was told about the earthquake, yet I didn’t really see what I was told, so I don’t think I really knew what had happened. I didn’t see death, and I didn’t see much of the destruction. I recall that when I first felt the swaying of the quake it reminded me of one of those nickle, (now fifty cent), rocking horses that you find in front of grocery stores, a fun ride, so I sat down and enjoyed it, until my little brain began to wonder what really was happening. I wasn’t in the house, so I didn’t share with my siblings the fear of seeing everything falling at the same time as the feeling of the ground moving, that which caused them to flee the house in terror. I never felt that, ever. That being said, the fact is, I was in the middle of the second worst earthquake ever recorded in the history of the world.

Find this in My Biography page

Published in: Uncategorized on July 19, 2025 at 12:54 AM  Leave a Comment  
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